Wanted: Politicos with Empathy

         Surely you’ve heard of GOP’s Rep. Paul Ryan? He’s the Wisconsite with the 100-yard –wide smile and bleacher-size ears.

          The word is that Mr. Ryan, Chairman of the House Budget Committee, is a pleasant and friendly fellow.

 It’s also said he lacks empathy.

The same is said of House Speaker John Boehner, the Ohio Republican, Rep. Eric Cantor, Virginia Republican, and GOP presidential aspirant Mitt Romney. The entire GOP membership of the U.S. House of Representatives has been hit with that charge too.

The Root Cause

The reason? All support Mr. Ryan’s proposed national budget.  The budget—in essence a call for policy action—would negatively impact Medicaid, Medicare and other so called “entitlements.”

Economics professor Paul Krugman, Princeton’s Nobel Laureate and a New York Times columnist, states that Ryan’s plan is “mainly about cutting taxes for the rich while slashing aid to the poor and unlucky.”

          Many non-Ryan devotees—liberal and independent economists along with lots of Democrats—say the same things of Ryan and his budget. Suppose the critics are right.  Would it make a difference if Ryan and the others were more empathetic? Would they likely craft a budget more friendly to the poor and unlucky?

          The simplistic definition of empathy is the ability to “feel another’s pain” or “to walk a mile in another person’s moccasins,” as Native American wisdom has it. More accurately, empathy refers to the ability to perceive, understand, and be sensitive to another’s feelings and thoughts without actually having those feelings.

PossibleConfusion

          Empathy is often confused with sympathy, which refers to the ability to understand and share another’s feelings. Sympathetic persons feel pity and concern for others’ suffering.

          Empathy is big these days. Psychologists and other behaviorists have been studying it, and there are a number of books on the topic with titles like ”The Empathy Gap,” “Teaching Empathy,” “The Age of Empathy,” and “Wired to Care.”

Business consultants give empathy tests and try to teach salespersons and employers how to sound and act empathic even if their clients seem incapable of accessing other peoples’ emotions.  Then too, news folk increasingly have been including references to empathy in their reports since the presidential race began.

          For instance, David Brooks, the New York Times’ brilliant conservative columnist, wrote last September that empathy is “insufficient.” It doesn’t motivate anyone to do or not do anything, he says. He states that almost anyone you admire has “some talent for fellow feeling,” but what makes that person act is “obligation to some religious, military, social or philosophic code.”

Experts to Order

In other words, sense of duty makes one act.  He quotes certain thinkers to back up his point.

          But Mr. Brooks has avoided prominent scholars who declare otherwise. Of course that’s what columnists and bloggers tend to do. They hunt up “experts” who support their theme and dodge the others.

          So in contrast to Brooks’ view, let’s hear from psychoanalyst  Heinz Kohut. He introduced “the principle of empathy in psychoanalysis.” He says that “If empathy is not felt…[the motive] what’s in it for me? supersedes pure altruism, but if empathy is felt, an individual will help by actions or by word regardless whether it is in their self-interest and do so even if the costs outweigh potential rewards.”

Doing Good for Its Own Sake

          D. Daniel Batson, who has doctorates in religion and psychology and is a specialist in empathy , writes, “feeling empathy for [a[ person in need evokes motivation to help [that person] in which these benefits to self are not the ultimate goal of helping; they are unintended consequences.”

          Most experts agree empathy is essential if a person is to have the virtue of compassion, a powerful feeling of pity that produces a strong urge to alleviate other’s suffering.

          If our legislators don’t have empathy then, and can’t experience compassion, can we expect them to aid “the poor and unlucky?”

          One psychologist I spoke to about the lack of empathy issue smiled and quipped, “Maybe it’s wrong to say Mr. Ryan and the others lack empathy. They might have lots of empathy for the rich—just not for the poor.”
          If that psychologist is right, I have no sympathy for Mr. Ryan and his acolytes.

                                                                      Gus Gribbin

Dad's Day Is Gone--But Questions Linger

Father’s Day is over. The knotty questions it posed linger.

I wonder, for instance, if children can truly know their father (or mother ). Can they really understand a parent as well as their parent’s close friends do?

Are children of this era  even curious about what makes Dad click?  Do they ask questions? Does it matter?

          After all for youngsters, all time--all history--begins with their birth. They live in the present and wonder about the future. But about Mom or Dad’s past? Not so much, I suspect.

No Time for Chatting

         Then too, there is little time available for calm chats. Distraction devours the days.

The glimpses one gets of today’s fathers reveals hustling chaps who serve as chauffeurs, sports coaches, fans, and prods urging kids to do their homework and to generally do better.

You might ponder such questions too, if you could search back decades to a time before smart phones, tweeting, computers, television sets, and tightly-organized extracurricular everything.

Conjure an Image

          Can you imagine a family sitting on a front porch after supper listening to the cicadas and quietly watching a summer day slink into darkness?

 A little boy breaks the silence.

“Dad, were you in the Army during the war?” (Meaning WW I.)

          “Didn’t want to go into the Army. Tried to enlist in the Navy.  Navy wouldn’t have me. So I joined the Merchant Marine.”

A Beacon in the Dark

 The tip of his cigar glows brightly for a second. The smell of Dutch Master perfumes the air.

          “Why?”

          “Why what?”

          “Why wouldn’t the Navy have you?”

          “I had some bad teeth and was too poor to get them fixed. The Navy didn’t like that.”

          “Was it hard?

          “To have bad teeth?”

          “No! To be in the Merchant Marine?”

          “ Lots of time it was. Not always.” 

The Past Unfolds

A complete biography could unwind in the course of many summer evenings and before bedtime on winter nights when there was nothing good on radio.

But: 

          I heard a vague anecdote recently about a young man who learned for the first time during a eulogy at this father’s funeral that his dad was a decorated war hero. The incident reminded me of Scott Turow’s protagonist in his brilliant and gripping novel, Ordinary Heroes.

Turow’s character, son of a prominent attorney, is called to settle his dead father’s affairs.  He learns for the first time that his reserved, aloof, and seemingly unloving father had traumatic combat experiences. He was, in fact, a remarkable and decorated officer. The son investigates further and uncovers details of his father’s life. The knowledge alters the son’s view of his father and of himself. The wounds suffered from his father’s inattention and lack of love start healing.

A Question; an Aswer

It seems that Knowledge enables understanding, and understanding enables love.

 So does it matter if a youngster learns what makes his father or mother click?

I believe it does.

                                                 --Gus Gribbin

Check Out This Boffo Book Club

            At a New Year’s Eve party, one guest, a lawyer, asked how I knew the host and hostess.

            “We’re in the same book club.”

            “Guys in a book club?”

            “Sure.”

            “The guys read the books?”

            “Certainly.”

            “Ha!” he said, and it sounded like, “Who do you think you’re kidding?”

I hadn’t heard that “guys” in a book club is unusual or that guys wouldn’t read the books.  If the skeptical lawyer is right, though, our club is more unusual than I thought.

Great Friends; Great Times

            What 's more exceptional, though, is that since the club ‘s founding eight years ago, the members—who range in age from the early sixties to the threshold of eighty—have  become close friends. They occasionally travel together, vacation together, and bicycle together. (Yes, all bicycle).
           All belong to the Columbia Film Society. They dine together after Society movies and party together during the holidays and on special occasions like Ravens playoff games and the Super Bowl.
          The club exerts an almost family-tug on members’ emotions. As one of “the guys” puts it, “the club ranks among the top ten influences on my life.” I know at least one other member feels the same way.
           Importantly, the club shows the power of books to unite people. And uniting in a book club has proved –for us and reportedly for others –a  remarkable device for making new friends.

Sharing Breaks Barriers

          True, activities such as sharing hobbies, participating in walking or hiking groups, volunteering, and joining church groups offer people of all ages ways to form friendships. But as a byproduct of reading and together reacting to varied books, people tend to reveal things about themselves that they might not otherwise mention.

          Our club has met almost monthly through the years and has read classics and best sellers. In all  members have devoured some 80 books—novels, histories, narrative non-fiction books, and one ethics text. The resulting conversations led members to learn about and appreciate their fellow readers.
         In an article for Ireland's Sunday Independent, journalist and novelist Eilis O’Hanlan  refers to a history of women’s book clubs written by Rice University sociologist Elizabeth Long. Long pointed out that the clubs helped women achieve emancipation. They offered participants the chance to meet privately and discuss their concerns. O’Hanlan adds:

Women's Clubs Dominate

        “That the vast majority of book clubs are still dominated by women (up to 80 percent, according to some estimates) is no coincidence. They remain important forums for female friendship and interaction.”

       So the skeptical lawyer’s skepticism has some basis.

       According to Ms. O’Hanlan, there has been little academic research done on what’s termed the book-club phenomenon.  But a simple Google search indicates such clubs have become s at least widespread and perhaps ubiquitous.

Clubs Galore

     Most publishers sponsor book clubs. So do schools and professional groups. Then there is the venerable Book of the Month Club--and book sellers must be rejoicing in the recent announcement that Oprah is reviving her book club after a two-year hiatus.

The accounts of friends and relatives indicate many clubs sprout like dandelions, blossom briefly, turn into fluffy gossip groups, and blow away. Yet the book club idea hasn’t vanished probably because discussing books can break down barriers.

Surely that’s one reason our mixed-couple, group has thrived. Beyond that, four members share the same profession: psychology. Most importantly, the perceptive lady who formed the group chose compatible couples she thought would read the selected titles. Members take turns choosing each month’s title. By rule, the selector must have read a book before choosing it for the group.

Would the formula work for others? Probably, given careful planning and member choice.

A Special Quality

         Still, we believe our club is special. Consider an incident that occurred in the course of a club trip to Italy.

       After a long day walking in Florence, the group arrived at its final stop, the famous Uffizi Art Gallery. The line for tickets stretched for blocks. The estimated waiting time  was three hours.

      “Let’s skip it,” someone suggested. No one protested. The little troop moved on, pausing later to study some frescoes at a cathedral.

        At that point one person said. “You know, I’d really like to see the Uffizi. I may not get another chance.”

Without a word, without a frown, without reluctance, her seven friends walked back with her to the Uffizi and got in line.

That’s the special spirit of our book club. That's why, in our view, it's sensationally succesful--or in a word: boffo. 
(Oh ,  and the wait  at the Uffizi turned out to be lesss than three hours.)

                                                                                  Gus Gribbin

------The Past? Forget About It

                The lanky teenager pushed from the desk, slapped closed the book he had been reading, and sighed. He and a group of adults had been practicing speed reading using easy-to-read supplemental histories. It was  an intense exercise.

                “That book any good?” I asked.

                “Nah. Waste of time. There’s nothing more useless than reading history. What possible good is it?”

                “Surely you’ve heard the old saying that those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it?” I said.

                “Don’t believe it. History’s boring. It’s dull. Pointless.”

                True many histories are badly written, and badly written history is dull. I found it difficult  to make a dent in the teenager’s argument.  And the trouble is that many feel the same way.  What’s worse many youngsters get no chance to discover whether they like history or not, since  teaching it as part of social studies has been largely eliminated from public schools. It has taken years for Maryland to  reintroduce history into school curricula as it is now trying to do.

No Sense of Time

                Still, lack of historical perspective and a sense of time seemed not to bother a New Jersey couple I met while on an assignment that took me to many historical sites. The couple stood in the ancient, artifact-filled Munroe Tavern in Lexington, Mass., where the Minutemen made their stand and started the Revolutionary war. The plump, cheery matron enthused, “Oh! Look at that pan. They had frying pans way back then!” Knowledge of the past.  Who needs it?

              Right now the nation, and Marylanders especially, are recalling the 200^th anniversary of the War of 1812, America’s Second Revolution—the event that gave rise to the writing of the Star Spangled Banner, our national anthem. So far, you hear little conversation about the drama of that conflict. Yet it marked an invasion of the nation and the sacking and burning of its Capitol and many Maryland towns.

It’s also true, that our leaders’ presumed knowledge of history has failed to keep them from making terrible blunders. And how can you apply rusty lessons of the past in the age of atom bombs, computers, lasers, IPads, Facebook, and  self-parking cars? Good information and common sense are the prime ingredients in decision making. Wouldn’t most agree?

History Is Irresistible

           Nonetheless some find history irresistible. Sports fans rattle off the batting averages, passing records, and race times of athletes who hung up the gloves, pads, and spikes long ago. Scientists recount the discoveries of past innovators whose work they build their discoveries on. Others like the New Jersey couple travel to famous U.S. sites and tread the cobble stones of Rome’s venerable forum in an effort to understand the past. But do they profit from it?

         One writer argues history is a “grab bag of good stories” that provides themes for great literature and other arts. Agreed.  But that’s not of overpowering importance. Other scholars try to establish that history is more than a sop for idle curiosity and more than mere escape reading.

A Mirror of Humanity

        Some insist that history mirrors our humanity and by showing us what we’re like broadens our personal experience. They say history helps us recapture cultural values—ideas that escaped in the transit of years--and  it adds perspective to current events.

        There are those who point out that history fertilizes our creative imaginations while yielding the knowledge that man and the situations he confronts are complex but his options are considerable.

A Value We Need

        Fair enough. It dawns on me though, that history is relevant to most of us not-altogether-secure people for a more basic reason.

        History presents a panoply of pain, tragedy, and defeat. Through it all, races, nations, and our forebears endured. With or without frying pans, humans have made it; and history records their victories, discoveries, and joys. History constantly reassures us that humanity has persisted to this point; we can go on

      So history harbors hope. And who doesn’t need that?

                                                                                                --------Gus Gribbin

            Top Photo: Arch of Septimus Severus at the foot of the Capitoline Hill in the Roman Forum, Italy. Below: Statue of young George Washington in the Annapolis State House. Photos by the author.

(A portion of the author’s article appeared previously in The National Observer, the former Dow Jones weekly)